our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
