Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
