I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
