Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
