you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
