I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
