What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
