when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
is that a dick in a sweater?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
