We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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