I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
