I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
