that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
