franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
