What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
