The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think your dad took our porno
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
