Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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