Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I touched a dick in church today
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
