My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
