I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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