if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
