Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
