mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
