I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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