There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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