I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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