You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He shit in the fireplace
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
