Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was like eating out sand paper
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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