I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
