I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
