TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
