I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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