Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
