dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
