i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bring me that man meat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
