i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
