There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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