Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
