haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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