Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
