I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
