at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
