I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
