Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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