so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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