Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
