She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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