Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
