How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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