Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
