i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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