I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
