The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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