i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
