Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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