Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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