She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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